A 47-year-old Whitechapel man last night told us that a 7-year-old child who was running around a local supermarket with one of the small trolleys made available by the store for youngsters, deserved to die and that he was just the man to get the job done.
Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer spoke to The Whelk from his home in Vallance Road: “This kid was racing up and down the aisles with this miniature trolley like an absolute bastard.
“He narrowly missed colliding with my own trolley on a couple of occasions and almost ran over my foot as I was heading for the checkout.
“It was at this point that I realised that he deserved to die and that I would be more than happy to get the job squared away myself.
“It’s not that often that I feel murderous intent towards kids, but I swear to God I would have pulled a gun and blasted this piece of crap to absolute fuck if I’d thought I would get away with it”
The manager of the Lidl store in question told us last night: “I can understand where Mr Dell is coming from on this one.
“I’ve never been keen on the idea of junior trolleys and knew all along that it would induce murderous hatred in some of our customers.
“I’ve even felt like smashing one or two of the little scumbags over the head with a hammer myself”
If you’ve ever felt like bludgeoning a small child to death in a supermarket we don’t blame you one iota -Ed.
April 12, 2019 at 4:02 am
It’s what his mum would have wanted
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April 12, 2019 at 4:02 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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April 12, 2019 at 10:22 am
Wouldn’t any one of us, given adequate opportunity and assurance no one could point us out in a police line up!
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April 12, 2019 at 2:50 pm
You’re a crazed psycopath after my own heart, Weggers 😀
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April 14, 2019 at 11:30 am
On time, when I spent thirty minutes listening to a brat scream and yell he wanted candy, I was appalled that the checker handed him candy, at which time he stopped yelling.
After he and his mother left the store, I made a remark about how the mother should have handled the brat. (“Roast him over an open pit and feed him to the dogs” I think was my suggestion.)
The grandmotherly women behind me in the line said, “You don’t have children, do you?”
“No,” I said, “but if I did, the little darling wouldn’t disturb the peace for thirty minutes in as public place without me doing something specific to stop it. I definitely would NOT give the brat the candy!”
(Yeah, that’s right, I’d roast the child over an open pit and feed it to the dogs. I suppose that is a but psychopathic! LOL!)
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April 15, 2019 at 2:40 am
Psychopaths of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your bloodied axes!
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April 12, 2019 at 10:36 am
Ha ha ha. These things are a fecking menace. Brilliant.
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April 12, 2019 at 2:51 pm
‘Inspired’ by a real-life shopping experience yesterday afternoon 😀
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April 13, 2019 at 9:53 am
Whoever thought up that idea and worse implemented needs put against the wall and shot in my opinion.
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April 14, 2019 at 3:11 am
I agree wholeheartedly, other than to say that I think they should be shot in the head and not your opinion 😛
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April 14, 2019 at 9:45 am
Lol xxxxxxx You are more violent than me ……
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April 12, 2019 at 4:34 pm
It’s a toss-up between the kids and their do-nothing parents
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April 12, 2019 at 6:03 pm
KILL THEM ALL!!!
Sorry about that. Our graphics editor just gave me a sip of her tonic wine.
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April 12, 2019 at 5:01 pm
And the Humanitarian Award goes to Mr Toby Dell! 😀
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April 12, 2019 at 6:04 pm
The milk of human kindness simply oozes from his every pore 🙂
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