1: Harry first encountered Meghan on Safari in Nairobi where he shot her in the back after mistaking her for a charging bull elephant

2: Harry proposed to Meghan in a swish restaurant in London’s Cannon Street. She responded by jokingly tipping her plate of pie and mash into his lap

3: They first slept together half an hour after being introduced, but Harry was unable to perform due to intense pain from a full rectal prolapse brought on by sitting on his gerbil earlier that day

4: The Royal couple keep their love life fresh by indulging in mutual hanging in the bedroom, often to the point of death.

5: Their nightly bedtime ritual involves Harry smashing Meghan’s face into a framed portrait of Piers Morgan which they have hanging in the ensuite bathroom

6: Harry and Meghan’s names can be formed into an anagram which includes the words; ‘ham’ and ‘Gary’

7: Meghan routinely drinks 6 bottles of Jim Beam, Kentucky sour mash, sippin’ whiskey every morning before hitting the gym for a pre-breakfast snooze

8: The Queen dislikes Meghan intensely and refers to her as ‘that fucking colonial beeyatch’

9: Meghan’s left-wing views have recently landed her in hot water after she freed a number of the servants at Sandringham Palace, crying, “I’m Spartacus!”

10: Both Harry and Meghan are accomplished players of the piano accordion who regularly entertain guests with renditions of, The Rose of Traylee, the theme from The Godfather, and, My Old Man’s A Dustman

NEXT WEEK: 7 Things you didn’t Know About Simon Cowell’s Cat,  ‘Anal Ted’

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