boris and cummings

Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, last night strongly denied that there were any prostitutes or illicit drugs at a notorious Chinese brothel and opium den in Gerrard Street in London’s Soho district that he frequently visited during the 1970s

Speaking to newsmen while on a visit to a hospital yesterday, where he had earlier been accused of playing to the press by the father of a seriously ill child, to which Johnson responded by denying there being any newsmen present, he insisted: “All this nonsense about there being ladies of the night or illegal drugs at the establishment are utter poppycock.

“I freely admit attending the place from time to time, purely to unwind with a glass or two of iced tea and to chat to the young people, some of whom may or may not have been women, about politics, and on occasion, the world of sport.

“I understand there may be photographs of myself lying on a dirty bunk, inhaling from a clay pipe being held by a young lady with no clothes on, but I can categorically state that I was merely smoking a relaxing pipe of St Bruno Ready Rubbed and that the girl was naked because she didn’t want to taint her clothing with the smell of tobacco smoke.

“In fact, I doubt it was me at all, and if it was, the girl and the pipe must have been drawn on the photograph later with a pen similar to the one President Trump uses on weather maps”

Johnson’s statement comes just a week after he denied the existence of Parliament and that he had heard of anybody called, The Queen.