mark
Francois pictured not standing in a ditch last night

A body of Britain’s leading anthropologists have calculated, that, pint-sized, right-wing MP, Mark Francois, will only be visible through a microscope when he reaches the age of seventy, due to the natural shrinkage that affects the elderly.

A spokesman for The British Society of Anthropology told newsmen: “According to our study findings, Mr Francois will be roughly the size of a single-cell organism when he hits seventy years of age.

“He will be visible with the aid of a microscope initially, but we anticipate that he will probably disappear altogether in his nineties and become one with the ether.

Staunch Brexiteer, Francois, who currently measures just over twenty-nine inches in his stockinged feet, dismissed the claims as ‘scaremongering’ last night.

“This report is palpable nonsense and wild speculation, probably instigated by lefty scientists who can’t deal with the fact that we’re leaving the EU”

He also angrily scotched recent rumours that he slipped through the grating of a storm drain in Whitehall last week and had to be pulled free by sewer workers using a bit of string tied under his armpits.