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“I say, could one direct one to Wichetty Grub Express?”

Following yesterday’s announcement that he will be withdrawing from all public duties, beleaguered royal, Prince Andrew, has been unveiled as one of the so-called, ‘Latecomers’ on the hit TV reality show, I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

The 59-year-old prince is believed to be hoping that the publicity will be good for his shattered image and that the public will warm to him and forget the fact that he hangs out with paedophiles, has sex with underage females and then lies about the whole shebang on national television.

It is understood that he has received assurances from the show’s producers that he won’t be made to eat any creepy-crawlies that have not been prepared by his personal chef, and that his tormentor-in-chief during his recent, ‘car crash’ interview, Emily Maitlis, won’t be joining the contestants at any point in the future.

The show’s presenters, Ant and Dec, were delighted to learn of the prince’s imminent arrival and joked: “At least the others won’t have to worry about him pinching their deodorants”

A spokesman for the Royal Family gave a brief statement last night: “Her Majesty, The Queen, has given her permission for Prince Andrew to take part in the show on the understanding that no young girls are present and that His Royal Highness keeps his mouth shut about Prince Philip’s sexual misdemeanours and also her late sister, Princess Margaret’s over-fondness for pre-pubescent East London chimney sweeps in the 1940s”

The prince will be entering the jungle later today, although it is understood that he has been refused permission to pilot the helicopter or to stop en route for a pizza.