tommy gun

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man found himself salivating during a trip to his local Lidl supermarket as he fantasised about scything down a noisy family in the shop with an old fashioned Tommy Gun.

Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer, had to wipe flecks of drool from his chin as he mentally pumped the family of four with bullets during a sustained burst of gunfire.

Speaking to The Whelk, Mr Dell said: “This family had been annoying me from the moment I entered the shop

“The mother had a voice like a foghorn, the father wasn’t much better and the kids were screaming and shouting and running amok in the aisles.

“I just couldn’t seem to shake them off. Every aisle I visited they were there.

These people are the scum of the earth and deserve to die like the lowlife feral garbage that they truly are.

“When I got to the checkout there they were in front of me. The woman was arguing with the girl on the till and the husband was bawling at the screaming kids.

“It was then that I mentally sprayed them with a burst from a Tommy Gun, similar to the ones used by American mobsters in the old gangster flicks.

“I really gave it to them. I swung my weapon from side to side, hosing them down like dogs before standing over their twitching bodies, kicking each one in the head to make sure they were dead.

“I relished the fantasy so much I had to pull out a tissue to mop up the drool from my chin.

“I don’t think this makes me a bad person. Everybody has a breaking point for God’s sake.”

Last September, a man from neighbouring Stepney, told a local newspaper that he’d experienced a sensation almost on a par with a sexual climax as he fantasised about hacking at a woman with an ice pick after she’d parked too close to his car in a Waitrose car park.