darts
Avoiding the point. A man pictured watching a ladies darts match last night

A 54-year-old man who was seated close to a pub dartboard last week has told The Whelk that he felt a frisson of terror that chilled his very blood when a woman approached the oche and began removing a set of darts from a leather holder.

Toby Dell, a foundry worker from Vallance Road, told us: “I was enjoying a quiet pint after work when this woman came out of nowhere and began getting her darts out.

“I immediately realised that I was in danger of losing an eye or worse.

“As she prepared to launch the first dart, I considered getting under the table until she’d thrown all three but I didn’t want to appear scared so I pretended to go to the toilet and sneaked out of the door and went home instead.

“I’ve never felt fear like it, to be honest. When I got home, I was so shaken my wife thought I’d been mugged again”

Last year alone, 257 men were badly injured by women playing pub games. Darts accounted for the large majority. However, in March, a Bermondsey man was blinded by a woman playing shove halfpenny, and in July, three men needed hospital treatment for head injuries at The Royal London Hospital after being repeatedly struck by a group of middle-aged women playing skittles in The Admiral Nelson in Cripplegate.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Sorry about this one ladies. Our feature’s editor’s wife has divorced him and gained custody of the dog so he wanted an article that lashes out unfairly at females everywhere.