Pilchard Spittlejohn1

All this coronavirus business. You couldn’t make it up, could you?

In my view, it’s a complete fabrication, dreamed up by leftie snowflakes to pour cold water on Brexit and to discredit President Trump.

If I was Boris, I’d round up all these malingerers with so-called covid-19 and shoot the bloody lot of ’em at dawn.

This great country of hours needs men of character and women that realise that their place is to walk two yards behind them, not a bunch of light-footed, libtard fairies and sensible shoe-wearing harridans, clumping down the road like Irish navvies.

And while we’re on the subject of fairies. You couldn’t make ’em up, could you?

Take that Philip Schofield off the telly for example. He’s whining about self-isolating himself for two weeks in case he’s got coronavirus.

Self-isolating? I would have thought he’s had enough of being cooped-up lately. The bloody great poof only got out of the closet a couple of weeks ago, for Christ’s sake.

If I had my way, I’d round up all these light-footed pooftahs and hang the lot of ’em at dawn.

Here’s something else you couldn’t make up. I actually saw a bloke in the pub, handing over a bunch of flowers to a woman the other day.

I nearly choked on my pint. What is a woman doing in a public house when there’s cooking and cleaning to be done?

You quite literally couldn’t make people like these up and the sooner the government grows a spine and beheads a few at dawn, the sooner this country will get some respect from foreigners. Like we used to in the war.

Pilchard Spittlejohn is sub-editor of Jew-Baiters and Fascist Caravaners Monthly

DISCLAIMER: Pilchard Spittlejohn is absolutely not based on, swivel-eyed, Daily Express cunt, Richard Littlejohn, in any way, shape or form. No, that’s right out that is.