The nation was dealt another hammer-blow yesterday when news broke that the wedding guest list of Princess Beatrice and millionaire property developer, Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, is to be restricted to just two complete waste of space toffs due to the coronavirus scare.

As of yet, the couple have not announced which pair of privileged, plummy-voiced pillocks they have chosen, although a royal insider has intimated that it will probably be Beatrice’s waste of skin sister, Eugenie, and her ocean-going twat of a husband, Jack Brooksbank.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, who has been booked to officiate at the couple’s nuptials inside Buckingham Palace on May 29, told newsmen: “This is obviously very unfortunate for the young couple, but these are troubled times and if it means restricting the guest list to just two entitled, braying arseoles then so be it.”

The British media gave a mixed reaction last night, with the Socialist Worker calling the news, ‘Great stuff’, while The Daily Mail and The Express blamed the situation on ‘ Bremoaner snowflakes’ and Meghan Markle respectively.