sausage-party-2016-09

A gathering number of health experts and academics now believe that only by watching the movie, Sausage Party, can mankind be delivered from a global disaster and a possible Armageddon scenario.

Dr Tobias Dell, the head of a team of scientists exploring possible cures and infection prevention avenues, said last night: “Me and the other scientists watched Sausage Party last night and, so far, none of us have developed corona. 

In fact, we had a really good jolly up on the strength of it.

“We genuinely believe that we’re on to something and so should you.”

The World Health Organisation appeared to back up the claim last night. 

In a short press release, WHO said: “Dr Dell’s observations have been noted and explored in-depth and we have found that only a very small proportion of those infected had ever seen Sausage Party.

“We are now in touch with governments worldwide who have agreed to screen Sausage Party at 19.00 GMT on Monday 22nd of March so that everyone can get the immunity that is so desperately needed right now.

“Only President Trump expressed an objection, on the grounds that he likes to watch re-runs of Tom and Jerry at that hour, but he has agreed to comply if immediately after, we screen the one where a blacksmith’s anvil falls on Tom’s head and makes a big bump come up.”

More as we get it