woman lying on bathtub

A local DIY enthusiast has told The Whelk that he converted the bath in his upstairs bathroom into a spacious, walk-in shower while his wife remained in the tub.

Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer from Dock Street, told us: “The conversion job was something I’d been intending to do for ages so I thought I’d have a crack at it during this lockdown period.

“I got all the materials upstairs along with my tools and went in to make a start.

“Unfortunately, the missus was having a soak at the time which made things a bit tricky.

“I began by ripping up the floorboards to connect up the waste and to join some flexi-pipe to the rising main with push-fit unions.

“I then dragged the bath with the wife in it to one side while I built an insulated stud wall on one side and installed the toughened glass doors.

“I then chased out the wall with an air chisel for the electrics and fed the wiring up through the floor direct from the fuse box.

“The missus started moaning at this point because the flakes of plaster and concrete dust had settled on her water, forming a crust.

“I told her that I’d soon be finished and started cutting the sides off the tub with an angle grinder ready to take down the dump.

“She had to get out and start drying off at this point because all the water came pissing out over the plastic sheeting I’d put down to prevent water damage to the ceiling joists.

“A couple of hours later I was done and called the old woman in to have a look at the result.

“To my disappointment, she didn’t like it and told me to go down to B&Q get a new bath because the shower would put her scented candles out”

It is estimated, that during a calendar year, the average woman sits in over 2 tonnes of her own grime in the tub while listening to smooth Soul music tracks and thinking about Jason Mamoa or Tom Hardy with no shirt on.