sema

A 23-year-old Whitechapel woman has berated her boyfriend’s sexual performance, branding it, ‘pathetic’, after the pair had indulged in a steamy romp using semaphore flags.

Tracy Dell, a hairdresser from Dock Lane, told a Whelk reporter: “We’d not been able to meet up for regular sex due to the lockdown, so I hit upon the idea of doing it by semaphore from the roofs of our blocks of flats which are quite close to each other.

“I made a real effort on the night. I did my hair and makeup and put on a revealing, off the shoulder cocktail dress before going up to the roof

“I knew he was impressed because he started signalling in an excited manner as soon as he saw me, but I was more interested in the long game, so I signalled that I was putting my dressing gown on to keep the cold out.

“He slowed down a bit then but as soon as I signalled that I was climbing into bed he began signalling furiously. At one point he was going so fast I couldn’t even make out what he was saying.

“Suddenly his flags went limp at his sides and I could see that he was lighting a cigarette.

“I signalled that I could wait another half an hour but he wasn’t interested.

“He then gave the standard signing off signal and left the roof.

“A bit later, I had a look through my binoculars and spotted him in his flat on his Playstation. Absolutely pathetic”

Miss Dell’s revelations come just a week after a 22-year-old woman from neighbouring Aldgate complained that her boyfriend, who had been drinking heavily in his flat in Spitalfields, was unable to gain an erection, despite the fact that she told him she was wearing a French maid’s outfit via Morse code.