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A 54-year-old man has told The WhitechapelWhelk that he curtailed an early morning bathroom visit last week after discovering that the small radio he normally listens to during a bowel movement wasn’t working due to a dead battery

Toby Dell from Leman Street told us: “I’d just finished a massive bowl of porridge and was settling down on the sofa to read the paper when I felt the need to have a clear-out.

“I settled myself down on the chodbin and went to switch on the radio to have a listen to BBC London FM only to find it was dead.

“I was absolutely gutted as I wanted to listen to the Vanessa Feltz Show while I dropped the kids off at the pool.

“Unfortunately, there was no way I could go out and get some new batteries as I’d already started and had the turtle’s head.

“I just got the job squared away in double-quick time and got the hell out.

“Next time I need an Eartha Kitt, I’ll turn the radio on first to make sure it’s working”

It is estimated that the average man spends up to thirty per cent of his life in the smallest room, reading newspapers or listening to the radio.

In some extreme cases, a small proportion of men have fitted a wall-mounted TV opposite the pan where they watch complete movies, or binge-watch popular TV series on Netflix,  like Game of Thrones or Peaky Blinders while they’re having a ‘pony and trap’.