A White House official, emboldened by the US election result, last night crept into The Oval Office, where President Donald Trump has been sleeping since the outcome became clear, and gently closed his eyelids in a bid to prevent the sleeping POTUS from freaking out fellow staffers who have complained that his habit of sleeping with his eyes open has unnerved them.
The unnamed aide told The Whelk: “He looks and sounds insane enough when he’s awake, so you can imagine what he looks like when he sleeps with his eyes open.
“He’s one crazy fuck and we all can’t wait until Joe and his wife move in on January 20th.
“I know that a number of my colleagues have been really freaked out by the way he sleeps.
“One lady told me that she entered the Oval Office to grab a file and he was asleep, flat on his back on the desk with his eyes wide open.
“As she was leaving, he farted loudly, sat bolt upright, tugged on his belt and yelled, ‘Daddy, is it that time again?”
“She said he looked like one crazy sonofabitch and she got the hell out real quick”
Trump is not the only Republican President to take his repose in the Oval Office.
In 2003, President George W Bush climbed on top of his desk and slept soundly for three hours while British Prime Minister, Tony Blair was explaining to him how he had found God.