Mama June Boo Boo was born in Barnsley in Yorkshire at a very young age.
She weighed just six ounces at birth, but quickly piled on the pounds, tipping the scales at an astonishing thirty-seven stone four pounds just hours later after eating sixteen Krispy Kreme donuts washed down with twelve pints of heavy in the hospital canteen.
She recounts that her early years in Yorkshire were the happiest days of her life and that she often earned in excess of fifteen pounds a week as a coalminer and part-time county executioner.
In 1980, Mama met and married a slave boss from Montgomery Alabama who was on holiday in nearby Skegness.
She subsequently moved to the USA where she gave birth to eighteen illiterate children in six months, including her world famous daughter, Honey Boo Boo, who became a deep-sea trawler skipper and governor of the state pen at the age of three.
In 2004, Mama had ballooned to a colossal ninety-five stone but shed the pounds rapidly after being almost fatally harpooned while on holiday in Tampa
She now tips the scales at a healthy eighty-five stone and thirteen pounds and was recently voted Poorly-Educated Slimmer Of The Month by the Manchester Guardian.
She is currently much sought after as a model and after dinner speaker with a fanbase right across the world, including defeated US President Donald Trump, who once tweeted that she was, ‘a fine-looking woman who has been a bigly influence on my life. So fine, so fine. Tremendous’
She has now retired from public life and lives quietly on an urban farm in Mudchute in East London, where she can often be seen giving children rides on her back in the school holidays and engaging in late-night heavy petting sessions with local shopkeepers of both sexes.
From our showbiz and inbreeding correspondent