‘Who is it dear?’

A prominent Jehovah’s Witness was last night unable to cast out a demon from a local teenager by reciting a passage from The Book of Revelation while holding up a small stick.

JWs, believe that Christ was not crucified at Golgotha but was somehow nailed to a wooden stake instead.

They, therefore, shun the conventional cross as the widely-accepted symbol of Christianity and regard it as a blasphemous obscenity that flies in the face of the scriptures, in much the same way as they regard, gays, lesbians, transsexuals, Roman Catholics, Anglicans, Methodists and Quakers etc, as corruptors of Jehovah’s word who will end up as ‘manure on the ground’ when Christ – behaving totally out of character – obliterates Mankind at Armageddon at some point in the future, although, after a constant litany of failures to accurately foretell this one, they haven’t committed to a firm date just yet.

With this doctrine in mind, the JW elder in question attempted to exorcise a malignant demon from the 13-year-old, local girl by holding up a stick, representing the stake on which Christ met his end and reciting something about a seven-headed dragon and a pale rider.

Unfortunately for all concerned, his efforts proved fruitless and the girl’s parents had to call in a Jesuit priest who completed the task in a few hours using the conventional crucifix, along with Holy Water, the Latin prayer to St Michael, and the tried and trusted, invocation of The Holy Mother to crush the proud head of Satan.

A spokesman for the local Jehovah’s Freedom Hall told The Whelk: ‘You can’t win them all I suppose. This girl was probably a lesbian apostate or something, but at least we’ve made a billion smackers from selling our New York headquarters to Jared Kushner’

This latest news comes after it was recently revealed that the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ ‘black book’ of paedophile members is bigger than that of any other organisation on the planet.