A prominent Jehovah’s Witness was last night unable to cast out a demon from a local teenager by reciting a passage from The Book of Revelation while holding up a small stick.
JWs, believe that Christ was not crucified at Golgotha but was somehow nailed to a wooden stake instead.
They, therefore, shun the conventional cross as the widely-accepted symbol of Christianity and regard it as a blasphemous obscenity that flies in the face of the scriptures, in much the same way as they regard, gays, lesbians, transsexuals, Roman Catholics, Anglicans, Methodists and Quakers etc, as corruptors of Jehovah’s word who will end up as ‘manure on the ground’ when Christ – behaving totally out of character – obliterates Mankind at Armageddon at some point in the future, although, after a constant litany of failures to accurately foretell this one, they haven’t committed to a firm date just yet.
With this doctrine in mind, the JW elder in question attempted to exorcise a malignant demon from the 13-year-old, local girl by holding up a stick, representing the stake on which Christ met his end and reciting something about a seven-headed dragon and a pale rider.
Unfortunately for all concerned, his efforts proved fruitless and the girl’s parents had to call in a Jesuit priest who completed the task in a few hours using the conventional crucifix, along with Holy Water, the Latin prayer to St Michael, and the tried and trusted, invocation of The Holy Mother to crush the proud head of Satan.
A spokesman for the local Jehovah’s Freedom Hall told The Whelk: ‘You can’t win them all I suppose. This girl was probably a lesbian apostate or something, but at least we’ve made a billion smackers from selling our New York headquarters to Jared Kushner’
This latest news comes after it was recently revealed that the Jehovah’s Witnesses’ ‘black book’ of paedophile members is bigger than that of any other organisation on the planet.
November 28, 2020 at 4:25 am
Are these the clowns that won’t allow a blood transfusion for a dying child and who come banging on your door on Sundee afternoons when you’re trying to get your swede down after a good session in the drinker?
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November 28, 2020 at 4:27 am
The very same. Although, they’d probably allow a member of the Trump family to have a transfusion if they were given a few quid beforehand as a sweetener.
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November 28, 2020 at 4:27 am
Slippery bastards then?
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November 28, 2020 at 4:28 am
You got it in one, bruv.
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November 28, 2020 at 4:28 am
Reblogged this on .
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November 28, 2020 at 4:46 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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November 28, 2020 at 5:23 am
I LOVE THIS
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November 28, 2020 at 6:58 am
Cheers Lance, you old heathen! Now, give me 3 Hail Mary’s and call me in the mornin’. You hear me boy?!
Why I outta…!
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November 28, 2020 at 8:51 am
That hits many points, my dear friend. I had to think of the similarity with the Muslims 😂😂👌 , by the way, I’ve got your latest book, must just find the according to time to type it in my brain 😉👍
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November 28, 2020 at 9:09 am
Aww thanks, Lampy. You won’t regret this. Well, not until you start reading it anyway 😀
Listen, I would willingly convert to Islam before joining this bunch of dark and deeply suspicious religious zealots, believe you me 🙂
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November 28, 2020 at 9:15 am
Oh my goodness! Please don’t… 😳 they are all suspicious and especially that Islam 😈🤓🤣Have a nice WE 🥳😇✌
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November 28, 2020 at 9:16 am
And you, my friend. Go in peace and may your God go with you 😉
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November 28, 2020 at 9:10 am
Joveys are going to be really pissed off when our new lizard overlords come knocking.
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November 28, 2020 at 9:15 am
What?? Are you telling me now that, The Queen and her legions of fellow, shape-shifting lizards are on the march???
Armaggedon outta here!!!!!
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November 30, 2020 at 6:43 am
Savage and wonderful.
Jesuits got off pretty lightly, though.
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November 30, 2020 at 6:49 am
As a Catholic, I don’t mess with the J-Team. They’re our SAS 😀
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November 30, 2020 at 6:50 am
R i g h t. Can I recommend carrying a reinforced copy of ‘The God Delusion’ at all times?
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November 30, 2020 at 6:51 am
No need. I’m thinking of becoming a Quaker. No pergatory and great porridge.
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November 30, 2020 at 6:53 am
Yum. And they have great hats. Sign me up!
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