From our currant affairs correspondent
With only days to go before the Brexit deadline and with both negotiating teams locked in a seemingly hopeless impasse, EU chief negotiator, Michel Barnier, has now reached an agreement with his British counterparts that a final settlement will be reached via a Great British Bake-Off-style competition to decide the winner.
Speaking at a hastily convened press conference last night, Barnier said: “I’m quietly confident that we can out-bake the British and establish firm guidelines on fishing rights and also the Irish border issue that will favour the EU’s position.
“After all, we French are known for our culinary skills, whereas the Brits can barely make a boiled egg with soldiers.
“I mean to say they’ll probably make a fish and chips cake or something equally representative of their vile cuisine for their showstopper and get the piss taken out of them by the judges”
It is understood, that if the judges are unable to separate the two teams, the final deal will be reached via a cream flan-throwing, free-for-all in Parliament Square in the final hour before the December 31st deadline – Reuters
November 30, 2020 at 4:56 am
Why don’t they ask President Trump to decide on a final deal? He seems a sensible enough bloke.
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November 30, 2020 at 4:59 am
Great idea! He could turn up to vote on it so beautifully and preciously. So precious.
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November 30, 2020 at 5:02 am
Alright! There’s no need to take the piss just because he makes the odd unusual choice of words and sits at a doll’s table that makes him look like a mad fuck!
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November 30, 2020 at 6:14 am
He looks like a mad fuck standing up too.
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November 30, 2020 at 6:48 am
Did you hear him yesterday? He was claiming that his supporters were turned away from polling areas after ‘beautifully and preciously trying to vote’
Say what??? 😀
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November 30, 2020 at 6:49 am
That is fabulous. Whatever are you going to do when the crazy bastard is gone?
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November 30, 2020 at 6:54 am
We’ll definitely miss him but there’s always Boris and the Brexiteers. Sounds like a skiffle group don’t it?
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November 30, 2020 at 6:55 am
LOL-thing.
You could take a few swings at our PM. He’s an evangelical god-botherer.
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November 30, 2020 at 10:03 am
I see their thinking though, Bake-off = popular. At least it’s a plan!
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November 30, 2020 at 1:23 pm
Stop talking the country down, Cath. You need to believe in Britain more. Take President Trump. He believes in ‘Murica and now he’s just been voted back into office by people who ‘beautifuly and so preciously’ went into the polling stations. That’s the power of belief, mate.
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November 30, 2020 at 1:31 pm
I’m still waiting for a vaccine – one of them is to help us with ‘belief’, isn’t there?
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November 30, 2020 at 1:43 pm
Probably, but you need to be careful with the vaccines, mate. Some of ’em contain chips that will turn you into a lizard, like The Queen. I’d ask Amanda Holden or Eamon Holmes first to be on the safe side
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