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Reviews & Testimonials

‘I could hardly get out of bed until this device changed my life. Thanks Erect-O-Mate! – Lazarus

‘I’ve never been more erect in my life’ – Dame Judy Dench

‘Absolute rubbish! I sent mine back after one go with it’ – Quasimodo

‘I asked for a recount after mine arrived to make sure there was only one in the box. I paid three million bucks, only to find there were two’ – Thanks Whitechapel Mint for sending it so beautifully and preciously – Donald Trump

‘A boon after sixteen pints of heavy in the Scotland Yard canteen’ – PC Ted Stupor

‘I use mine to maintain a perfect posture while I’m drinking the orphan blood that Bill Gates sends me’ – Tom Hanks

Guarantee – If you’re not 100% satisfied with your Erect-O-Mate, just contact our Customer Relations Department and they’ll send round a couple of heavies to boot you from arseole to Saturday within seven days