This Week: Lockdown Looting!
It was 2.30 am on a bone-cold December night in Whitechapel.
Commercial Street, home to Mr Patel’s convenience store was deserted apart from a few rough sleepers and the odd urban fox, probing around the dustbins for scraps.
Inside the store, high on their top-shelf eyrie, the crimefighting tins of beans, Bat Can and Rob Tin were watchful and tense, every sinew and nerve taut as a bowstring
The word was out that armed raiders had been taking advantage of the lockdown to launch a series of daring, early hours swoops on local stores before making off with valuable Christmas stock and the two canned crusaders were going to ensure that any would-be robbers would be dealt with summarily and without mercy.
Suddenly, the silence was broken as the front door was stoved in by a steel ram welded to the hydraulic arm of a bulldozer.
Three masked men carrying pickaxe handles burst in and began emptying the shelves, tossing expensive selection boxes and family-sized tins of Heroes and Quality Street into holdalls.
Bat Can and Rob Tin knew at once what they had to do and prepared to spring into crimebusting action
Unfortunately, due to the fact that they are inanimate objects, completely lacking the ability to move, they were powerless to tackle the villains and had to watch helplessly as they raced out of the shop with their valuable booty.
Next Week: The High Fibre Heroes fail miserably to stop a local juice-head from walking out of the shop with a six-pack of Skol Super Strength concealed beneath his raincoat.