
There was an early Christmas present for the long-suffering residents of Hammersmith and Fulham earlier today when the council announced that the stricken Hammersmith Bridge, which has been closed to all traffic due to structural compromises since 2018, is to be restored to its former glory by shoring up the huge cracks that have appeared in the structure with over a thousand pairs of knickers discarded into the Thames by Scottish, daytime TV legend, Lorraine Kelly.
A recent dredging of the Thames at nearby Putney uncovered over a tonne of Kelly’s undergarments which she has been throwing from the bridge on a daily basis since the late 1990s rather than having to go through the process of washing them and putting them in the tumble dryer.
An enterprising civil engineer has hit upon the idea of forcing the sodden knickers into the cracks on Hammersmith Bridge before drying them off with a hairdryer until they take on the structural properties of reinforced concrete.
A delighted Kelly told newsmen last night: “This is wonderful news for the people of Hammersmith and a real boost for me to know that my worn undercrackers are being used to improve the lives of the local people who have suffered for so long, the puir wee things”
Just three years ago, a pair of outsize Y-Front Jockey underpants, donated by roly-poly TV presenter, Eamon Holmes, were used to provide a temporary road bridge across the River Severn during construction work on the supports of the existing iconic bridge structure.
December 18, 2020 at 8:34 am
Hi, I’m an opinionated Republican fuck and in my totally unsought-for opinion, I find your work on this blog politically biased towards the dirty commies.
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December 18, 2020 at 8:36 am
Behave yourself Danny! Some of these simple-minded ponces are armed!
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December 18, 2020 at 8:36 am
*gulp*
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December 18, 2020 at 8:34 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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December 18, 2020 at 9:00 am
Bless ya, Lorraine! So giving, so kind. A angle!
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December 18, 2020 at 9:03 am
Not just any old angle, Nick. Yon Glesga lassie is a ‘preshus wee angle’ ah’m thinkin’.
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December 18, 2020 at 10:04 am
The bint needs the publicity. A we change fae bumping her gums abot other fowks.
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December 18, 2020 at 12:38 pm
You’re clearly a Republican that’s come on here to bang on about not agreeing with our message.
However, I will say that poor old Lozza Kelly seems a nice kid for the most part, whereas the other chumps that we target, such as, Johnson, Trump, Eamon Holmes and Amanda Holden are prize-winning cunts of a very high order indeed. 🙂
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December 18, 2020 at 2:09 pm
Well what are you taking her knicker fur??? Get a petition up at least….
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December 18, 2020 at 2:23 pm
Love you guys. You enrich my life and always make me laugh. (I am sincere in this; not sarcastic) Thank you.
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December 18, 2020 at 2:41 pm
Cheers Lance. You may have been married more times than Henry VIII but you’re our favourite lady killer 😜
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December 18, 2020 at 6:07 pm
Knickers are a much cheaper way of repairing cracks (pun intended) than cement and steel. You don’t even have to deal with unions.
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December 18, 2020 at 6:39 pm
It gives me no pleasure to once again warn you that this is a family blog for family people. Anymore talk of unions and you will be impeached to death.
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December 19, 2020 at 1:04 am
A new kind of infrastructure.
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