A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told The Whelk that he has now applied for an Irish passport to avoid being lumped in with people who voted for Brexit Britain.
Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer from Thrawl Street told us: “I hate the idea of leaving the European Union and abandoning all the benefits, both trade-related and cultural that this country has enjoyed for the past 47 years, just because a bunch of beetle-browed, racist fuckwits from the north of England voted to leave the union in the belief that we’d get blue passports and less darkies walking the streets.
“I’ve therefore applied for an Irish passport and will move to County Leitrim with the wife and cat just as soon as it comes through.
“I’ve got no Irish connections whatsoever, but I don’t mind the odd pint of Draught Guinness whenever I’m constipated, so, hopefully, that should swing it in my favour”
In related news, a pro-Brexit man from Barnsley in Yorkshire shot himself earlier today when he discovered, that despite Britain having left the EU, his local newsagent was still being run by a Pakistani.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Any readers from overseas who are undecided about the wisdom of Britain leaving the EU should take on board the fact that Donald Trump – a man who fervently believes that covfefe is grown in a country called Nambia and that people with covid should guzzle down copious quantities of bleach – considered it to be a good idea before reaching any conclusion