amanda the sentinel

In a strongly worded statement last night, Britain’s Got Talent icon and noted conspiracy theorist, Amanda Holden, pointed the blame for the shocking scenes on Capitol Hill yesterday at mind-bending rays being emitted from lamposts in America.

Holden, 87, said: “These people were just ordinary, God-fearing citizens before they were bombarded with mind-altering 5G rays from lamposts in their neighbourhoods.

“There is no doubt in my mind that Tom Hanks was behind it and that Bill Gates paid the electricity bill afterwards.

“It’s the infant’s blood-drinking that causes it. Hanks drinks the blood, leaves some in the bottle for George Clooney, and then gives the order for the rays to be switched on which galvanises the howling mob.

“Some of the rioters had even started to morph into animals because of the rays. I saw one chap that had turned into a half-man/half bison for example.

“It’s all about the rays, you see.”

In other news, fellow sceptic and morning TV host, Eammon Holmes, leapt to the defence of under-fire president, Donald Trump, last night.

“People will be quick to point the finger at Trump’s mental condition but I would suggest that it reflects badly on us as a nation if we condemn a man just for being completely round the fucking bend”

And now, here’s a sneak preview of this year’s Spring collection at the New York Fashion Show

Image may contain: 1 person, standing, text that says "Steal His Look Urban Decay Eyeshadow Paliette $29.00 HMS Supersoft Fantasy Horns $11 95 Pandora Pendant Necklace $60.00 Glacier Wear Coyote Fur Russian Hat $279. 95 PPLE Pyle 20 Watt Megaphone $14.99 Carhartt Duck Dungaree $34. 99 Timberland Touchscreen Gloves $54.99"