In a strongly worded statement last night, Britain’s Got Talent icon and noted conspiracy theorist, Amanda Holden, pointed the blame for the shocking scenes on Capitol Hill yesterday at mind-bending rays being emitted from lamposts in America.
Holden, 87, said: “These people were just ordinary, God-fearing citizens before they were bombarded with mind-altering 5G rays from lamposts in their neighbourhoods.
“There is no doubt in my mind that Tom Hanks was behind it and that Bill Gates paid the electricity bill afterwards.
“It’s the infant’s blood-drinking that causes it. Hanks drinks the blood, leaves some in the bottle for George Clooney, and then gives the order for the rays to be switched on which galvanises the howling mob.
“Some of the rioters had even started to morph into animals because of the rays. I saw one chap that had turned into a half-man/half bison for example.
“It’s all about the rays, you see.”
In other news, fellow sceptic and morning TV host, Eammon Holmes, leapt to the defence of under-fire president, Donald Trump, last night.
“People will be quick to point the finger at Trump’s mental condition but I would suggest that it reflects badly on us as a nation if we condemn a man just for being completely round the fucking bend”
And now, here’s a sneak preview of this year’s Spring collection at the New York Fashion Show
January 7, 2021 at 10:02 am
I just ordered one of those outfits for my wife. I need to spice things up in the bedroom a little. Any mad cunts come on the comments to support Trump yet?
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January 7, 2021 at 10:02 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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January 7, 2021 at 1:48 pm
I’m glad you published the real reason all those idiots are bat shit crazy. I was worried that it was the water. The bison man has to go down as the Beau Brummel icon for f——g nut cases.
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January 7, 2021 at 2:30 pm
I watched the drama unfold in the early hours, brilliantly covered by Don Lemon and Chris Cuemo (sp) on CNN Tonight. Shameful scenes, endorsed by a serving president. Beyond belief.
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January 7, 2021 at 5:03 pm
I agree. Beyond belief. A shameful day.
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January 7, 2021 at 2:01 pm
I’m wearing that outfit right now (without underwear, too!).
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January 7, 2021 at 2:32 pm
Steady on mate. This is a family blog. Plus, you’re turning me on! – Ed
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January 7, 2021 at 2:53 pm
π
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January 7, 2021 at 2:07 pm
“…being completely round the fucking bendβ is the best description of him that I’ve heard. I’d say you’re going to have to work harder in a couple of weeks, but US politicians have always provided good fodder. I’m sure Joe won’t disappoint.
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January 7, 2021 at 2:36 pm
Compared to the current, rancid mob boss in The White House almost anybody would be a massive improvement. Joe’s a good man by the way. A former British Ambassador to the US said the other day that Biden is the consummate politician and that he possesses a rare warmth that will serve him well in negotiations. He went on to say: “If anyone can sort out the mess over there it’s Joe Biden” This man was a Conservative incidentally.
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January 7, 2021 at 3:01 pm
I do think he’s the right man for the job at hand. He knows the people in the Senate, and he has worked with them for years. I also don’t think he has a “radical” agenda. Of course, putting out the dumpster (sorry, skip) fire is job number one.
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January 7, 2021 at 3:59 pm
He has a Herculean task on his hands. I just hope people give him the time and support he needs to do it. I don’t envy him one bit.
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January 7, 2021 at 5:40 pm
Still, he did trip over his own dog, so…
Too soon?
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January 7, 2021 at 7:15 pm
Not with you, I’m afraid
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January 7, 2021 at 4:59 pm
5G lampposts; that explains a lot. Thank goodness for the excellent reporting at the Whelk.
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January 7, 2021 at 7:14 pm
Absolutely. Where would the world be without our intrepid news gathering eh? π
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