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No way Jose. Brit couple’s dream shattered

A British couple who have owned a holiday home in Spain for the last six years have been refused their request to adopt Spanish citizenship on the grounds that they don’t weigh enough, either individually or jointly.

Toby Dell, 54, and his 52-year-old wife Tracy, from Whitechapel, were told by the Spanish Embassy to pile on the pounds before their request would be considered.

Mr Dell, told The Whelk: “We were gutted when our application was turned down because we weren’t fat enough.

“To be fair I’m pretty flabby and tip the scales at over sixteen stone and the missus is an absolute tugboat and not far behind me, but it wasn’t enough for the Spanish apparently.

“We’ve now started eating foods high in saturated fat, washed down with at least twelve pints of Guinness a day to try and meet the criteria before applying again”

A spokesman for the Spanish Embassy told us: “These people were nowhere near obese enough to qualify for citizenship, although the woman did have a bit of a gut on her.

“You’ve only got to look at TV shows like A Place In The Sun to see that only British people carrying dangerous amounts of excess weight are accepted.

“Another reason they were turned down was the fact that they had tried to learn a few Spanish phrases.

“This flies directly in the face of the traditional British practice of shouting at foreigners and adding an ‘o’ to the odd word in each sentence’

Last week, a couple from Shoreditch who had voted to remain in the EU in 2016 were refused Portuguese citizenship for having an IQ in excess of their shoe size.