Big-faced pop icon, Olly Murs, last night rebuffed a move by disgraced former US President, Donald Trump, to build a links-style, eighteen-hole golf course on his gigantic face.
During an exclusive Whelk interview, Murs, 85, told us: “I’ve allowed my big face to be used for a number of projects down the years, from a film set for a movie about the moon landings to a refugee camp for thirty thousand fleeing victims of the war in Syria. However, I draw the line at allowing Trump to build a golf course on my massive dial for him and his odious Republican cronies.
“Can you imagine the horror of having Rudy Giuliani teeing off close to one of my eyes and catching a glimpse of his cock and balls up his trouser leg?
“Even if I did allow the project to go ahead, what are the chances of getting paid?
“The guy’s a notorious crook with a long history of reneging on his debts, and in any case, he’ll be in jail before the end of the year”
It is now believed that a request has been submitted to roly-poly morning TV presenter, Eamonn Holmes, to build the course on the cheeks of his gigantic, flabby arse.
Mr Murs requested that his fee for this interview be donated to the Variety Club of Great Britain children’s charity but we’re going to keep it and spend it on drink and pussy – Ed