A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told The Whelk of his disquiet over the hitherto failure of Microsoft mogul, Bill Gates, to kill his mother-in-law after the 79-year-old received her first covid-19 jab last Thursday

Dell, a forklift truck engineer from Dorset Street, told us: “I’d read on the internet that Bill Gates has put a microchip in these vaccines so that he can switch people off if they refuse to do his will.

“Well, the wife’s mother had her jab last week and hasn’t even received her instructions yet, much less been killed for refusing to obey them.

“Once again it’s another example of rich people promising us the moon and failing to deliver.”

Mr Gates was unavailable for comment last night but a website dedicated to his role in vaccine development informed us that he’s only been switching off the over-90s and vegetarians so far but has now deployed his faithful lackeys, Tom Hanks and Nancy Pelosi to deal with the backlog.

If you felt your hackles rising at the mention of Ms Pelosi you’re definitely a Republican arseole and should go boil your fucking head in a bucket – Ed