This is an appeal on behalf of the office cat, Mrs Bastard.
The editorial staff came on shift last night to find the office cat from the company next door, ‘Gullysuckers Drains Inc’, had broken in and was sitting on top of our own Mrs B, demanding a ransom for her release from a grisly, bonecrushing demise.
We are therefore appealing to Whelk readers to dig deep in order to save this poor creature from her fate.
We have asked the chief executive of Gullysuckers if he could intervene but he told us to ‘f**k off out of it’
Send cash money, krugerrands or bankers drafts to:
The Head Barmaid
The Mrs Bastard Appeal Fund
The Blind Beggar
Whitechapel Road
London E1
Thanks very much – Ed
February 18, 2021 at 3:48 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
LikeLike
February 18, 2021 at 3:49 am
But, I saw Mrs B earlier on, curled up, fast akip under the sports desk. There was no crushing going on that I could see!
LikeLike
February 18, 2021 at 3:50 am
Shut it, you twat! Do you want a lunchtime skinful or not??
LikeLike
February 18, 2021 at 3:51 am
Gotcha.
LikeLike
February 18, 2021 at 5:16 am
Transparent as a pane of glass …or a glass of pain – #drinkingfund despicable to use a cat in this way, plus what sort of a name is Mrs Bastard – Socks, Ginger, Marmalade …just saying far more believable names for a cat. I think you e been drinking already and it has impaired your sense of irony or sense of something.
LikeLike
February 18, 2021 at 7:44 am
Ok, we’ll meet you in the middle. How about we rename her, Mrs Ginger Bastard? Serious question.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 18, 2021 at 8:02 am
Is bastard gender specific though I always think of it used in conjunction with the male sex so …I’m just not sure that sounds right
LikeLike
February 18, 2021 at 8:40 am
Not gender specific at all, sadly. You see, any cat born out of wedlock is deemed to be a bastard kitten. Therefore, as Mrs Bastard’s parents were live-in lovers at the time of her conception and birth she quite rightly bears the mark of their shame. I hope this clears up any lingering doubts or concerns you may have going forward.
LikeLiked by 2 people
February 18, 2021 at 8:41 am
Wonderful..but I’m still not donating to your pub fund 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 18, 2021 at 8:55 am
I have a feeling you won’t be alone in your reticence, Kate. These things are always worth a try mind!
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 18, 2021 at 10:34 pm
😂😂😂 I applaud your effort and like it to that of the indie author ✍️ we’re all just trying to poach some drinking money (or something)
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 18, 2021 at 7:04 am
Lay off the poor boys Kate,
Dey was only jessing. Mrs B. sounds quite cute.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 18, 2021 at 7:45 am
Wait till she finds out about our other office cat from the same litter, Sir David Fuckface.
LikeLike
February 18, 2021 at 12:01 pm
If only I could get out to the bank. But you know, with the lockdown and all, plus, I need to save my cash to lay a bet down on that soccer, er, um, I mean football game between Whitechaple and those other hoodlums.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 18, 2021 at 5:52 pm
It’s a story as old as time itself, Dan.
LikeLiked by 2 people
February 18, 2021 at 2:33 pm
My cheque is in the mail.
LikeLike
February 18, 2021 at 5:53 pm
I wish it would hurry up. The travel editor’s tongue’s hanging out here!
LikeLiked by 2 people
February 20, 2021 at 2:06 am
I can get my hands on some randykrugers if that helps?
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 20, 2021 at 6:36 am
When you get to our age you take what you can get, mate, Send ’em.
LikeLiked by 2 people