Buckingham Palace last night announced that The Duke of Edinburgh, who has just undergone a heart op at St Bartholemew’s Hospital in London, has been transferred to struggling soccer team, Arsenal, for an undisclosed fee.
The 99-year-old Duke is being drafted in to shore up a Gunners defence that has been leaking goals this season as the club has struggled to remain in mid-table under the stewardship of boss, Mikel Arteta, and who are currently languishing in a lowly 10th place in the Premier League.
Arteta told a press conference yesterday afternoon: “We are hoping that signing Prince Philip will help to turn our season around.
“He’s a much-needed old head with years of experience on the polo field, and also, in that sport where you sit in a cart with a rug over your knees while a horse pulls you along.
“We see him as a Tony Adams-type figure who will steady the ship at a critical time for us as we look to cement a place in the top nine.
“Although, we obviously hope that he won’t be getting as pissed as a parrot on lager and Jägerbombs every night like Tony used to in the 80s”
If the Duke does provide a much-needed boost to the struggling Gunners, he will mirror the feat of his mother, Princess Alice of Battenburg, whose injury-time diving header for East London giants, West Ham United, secured a famous win for The Hammers in the 1980 FA Cup Final at Wembley.
March 6, 2021 at 2:16 am
It’s great when the royals lend a hand isn’t it? Now, if only Prince Andrew would be equally helpful to The Feds and answer their questions about roaring up little girls on paradise islands.
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March 6, 2021 at 2:18 am
Don’t hold your breath waiting for that one, bruv.
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March 6, 2021 at 2:17 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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March 6, 2021 at 2:19 am
Y’all are Savages! Lovin’ it!
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March 6, 2021 at 2:29 am
Great judgement Lance! 😛
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March 6, 2021 at 8:57 am
Is this with or without that life support machine he’s been on for the last 30 years???
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March 6, 2021 at 1:41 pm
The way Arsenal have been playing, he could turn out in a iron lung and it would still improve their performance 😀
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March 7, 2021 at 2:05 pm
LOL!!!!! Brilliant.
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March 6, 2021 at 2:37 pm
Make sure they have him pee in a cup. They probably loaded him up with steroids after the operation.
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March 6, 2021 at 5:44 pm
My understanding is that his pee is well over 90% proof.
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March 6, 2021 at 6:09 pm
Hahaha – then let him play.
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March 8, 2021 at 12:54 am
None of the sports stuff here is in my “Arsenal” (hope I got that) of royal knowledge.
Nonetheless, I hope that Prince prince of prince princesses, princes prince prince.
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