bus

A 52-year-old Whitechapel man has told a Whelk reporter that he believes that the number 24 bus is an omnipresent entity that pervades the lives of all humanity and will continue to do so until the very end of time.

Toby Dell, a forklift truck driver from Commercial Street, told us: “Everywhere I go in town I see a number 24 bus.

“It doesn’t matter if I’m in East London, West London, or even south of the river, the 24 is always there.

“I believe it’s been sent to watch over us and to keep us from harm.

“Unless, of course, you’re like my neighbour who stepped off the kerb in Victoria Street in front of one and was killed instantly.

“I can only assume he’d lived a sinful life and that the number 24 was wreaking its terrible wrath and vengeance upon him for straying from the path of righteousness

“For is it not written; The Number 24 bus is a vengeful bus and all who stray from its path shall be cast down into the pit.”

A spokesman for Transport For London last night denied Mr Dell’s assertions: “The number 24 is not a terrible, ubiquitous deity that is all-pervasive and omnipresent.

“However, we do concede that it goes from Pimlico to Hampstead Heath, seven days a week and that there are quite a lot of them.  Especially in Tottenham Court Road during the rush hour”