Up to thirty women were killed yesterday afternoon during a frenzied stampede to see the actor, Tom Hardy, opening a local specialist cake shop wearing a tight-fitting pair of briefs.
Earlier, a crowd of over a thousand women from across East London had gathered to watch the hunky star open the shop in Whitechapel Road in his pants.
However, tragedy struck when the crowd surged forward as the scantily clad actor emerged from a limousine outside the shop in a pair of black Calvin Klein briefs.
One woman who witnessed the carnage, Tracy Dell, 54 from Thrawl Street told us: “It was absolutely horrendous, to be honest.
“As soon as Tom got out of the car there was a huge surge forward and I saw many women crushed underfoot in the melee.
“I myself trampled on at least five bitches who were standing in front of me, blocking my view of Tom’s lunchbox”
This latest tragedy comes just two weeks after a hundred women died in a similar crush-related incident as hunky Aquaman star, Jason Mamoa, opened a pie and mash shop in Shadwell wearing a fireman’s uniform.
March 25, 2021 at 11:13 am
I would love to have tasted his cannoli.
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March 25, 2021 at 11:49 am
Two words young lady…FAMILY BLOG!!!!
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March 26, 2021 at 11:49 pm
Hold your horses! A family blog? The preview I’m seeing for next in line to read here has something to do with setting the jubblies free after a long day. I think we’ve done thrown the baby out with the bath water, don’t you? 😉
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March 29, 2021 at 5:32 am
Hey, if a few babies end up in the back yard, sopping wet, in order to bring the news to our readership it’s a price worth paying in our view – Ed
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March 25, 2021 at 1:43 pm
I barely escaped unscathed!
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March 25, 2021 at 5:46 pm
You’re a source of inspiration to women everywhere, Madge.
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March 26, 2021 at 5:58 pm
Mmm, I dunno. He looks a bit chunky to me. I prefer to carry a light lunch.
Jason Mamoa…. his looks have gone to hell! Forget it!
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March 29, 2021 at 5:28 am
I can see you’re no pushover, Resa. 😀
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March 29, 2021 at 4:25 pm
Exactly! I’m already on my back.
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March 29, 2021 at 4:49 pm
Well, if you will insist on challenging Tyson Fury for the World Heavyweight Championship…
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March 29, 2021 at 9:45 pm
Who? OH sorry, whom?
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March 26, 2021 at 11:47 pm
Color me trampled. A worthy sacrifice….
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March 29, 2021 at 5:30 am
From what I can gather, I don’t think you’re a lone female voice, crying in the wilderness, Lindsey.
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March 28, 2021 at 3:30 pm
Was it a first cum first served scenario?
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March 29, 2021 at 7:42 am
Yes it was. Will you marry me now, Touch? I can no longer control my ardour. IF YOU GET MY DRIFT!!
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April 2, 2021 at 5:53 am
Go on then but don’t tell that SoZ geezer! 😀
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April 2, 2021 at 10:14 am
Mum’s the word dollface 😀
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