stalin

Dear Sir

In their smash hit single, Everybody Hurts, the beat group, REM, clearly state, ‘take comfort in your friends.
This is all well and good but what about if you’re a fat sociopathic fuck and everyone, including your own family, think you’re a weapons-grade c**t?

D. Trump
Mar A Lago
Murica

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Dear Sir

Carers. Buy a pair of those joke, chattering dentures, so that your elderly charges can use them to pre-chew their meat instead of you having to cut it up for them.

Betty Stable
Dar Es Salaam

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Dear Sir

I spotted a white youngster spitting in the street yesterday. You can bet your bottom dollar he was taught this filthy habit by immigrants. Pakistanis and the French spring immediately to mind.

P. Patel. Home Secretary
Whitehall
London W1

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Dear Sir

Fill your bath with tropical plants and then turn the hot tap in the sink on. If you then crawl around in the bottom of the tub you can replicate the steamy conditions experienced by British soldiers fighting the Japs in the jungle during World War II. For added authenticity, throw in a few poisonous insects and venomous snakes.

Helen Mirren
Tinsel Town
Bermondsey

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Dear Sir

In one of his smash hit singles, Lionel Richie extols the sensation of dancing on the ceiling.
Well I tried it yesterday and was killed instantly in the resulting heavy fall.
Come on Lionel, if that’s your idea of enjoyment I should very much like to take issue with you.

S. Wonder
Bromley By Bow
London E4