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Are you sick of being beaten to the punch by other bloggers when it comes to liking or commentating on a recent post by one of your favourite members of the WordPress family? Do you find yourself logging into WordPress on your PC, laptop or device, only to find that one of your most loyal and valued followers has made a post and that you are about 75th in the list of likers?

Well, those days could be over for good with the help of this clever little device. The WordPress Blog-O-Mate Butt Plug Of Hope simply slips into the anal cavity and will deliver a brief but powerful electrical jolt every time a pre-selected blogger of your choice clicks their “Publish” button.

Endorsed by WordPress themselves, the Blog-O-Mate will ensure that you never have to endure the heartache of seeing rows of small avatars lined up beneath that special post that you wanted so much to be the first to endorse.

It can be used any time, any place. Whether you’re at home relaxing, working at the office, or even in the shower. The Blog-O-Mate will make sure you never have to play second fiddle to your rival bloggers again.

Warning: Always remember to remove the Butt Plug Of Hope before going to the toilet, particularly if you are going to evacuate your bowel. Failure to do so may result in extreme abdominal pain, bloating, haemorrhoids, a throbbing vein in the temple, and in extreme cases, death, for which the manufacturers cannot be held responsible.

Testimonials:

“I’m a fawning sycophant and as silly as a sackload of shit. I honestly believe that by liking and commenting on other people’s blogs my own tawdry output will in some way be enhanced” – Miguel Sideboard. Torremolinos

“I agree with Mr Sideboard! Since this wonderful little device started electrocuting my arseole at regular intervals I’ve never felt more popular or more loved by members of the WordPress family” – Sammy Menopause. Rotherham.

“I was having sex with my girlfriend when my Blog-O-Mate alerted me that somebody I don’t know from Adam had made a post. My girl found the experience so pleasurable she now makes a WordPress post whenever we indulge in rumpy pumpy. Thanks Blog-O-Mate!” – Billy Kunt. Kent.

For express delivery of The Blog-O-Mate send cash or a banker’s draft for Β£22,985.70p + Β£800.00 p&p to:

Danny Soz
Name and address withheld
Soz Satire Magazine
Whitechapel E1