anti vax holiday
Ted and Marjory pose happily on a rocky outcrop at their proposed holiday destination

A middle-aged couple who have refused the covid-19 jab due to the strongly-held belief that Bill Gates would immediately switch them off so that Tom Hanks could drink their blood, have told The Whelk that they will thoroughly enjoy being restricted to holidaying in their back garden when the foreign travel restrictions are lifted later this month.

Ted and Marjory Icke, both unemployed, told us: “We normally have a couple of weeks in Benidorm, but, due to the proposed vaccine passport requirement, we’ve decided to holiday in the back garden this year.

“We’re thoroughly looking forward to it and it will give us a chance to clear out the shed.

“At the end of the day, it’s a lot better than being taken over by Bill Gates before being sucked dry by Tom Hanks so that he can stay young-looking”

It is estimated that several thousand staunch anti-vaxxers will have a damoscene change of heart this year when they realise that not having the covid jab will deprive them of the opportunity of shaming the nation by urinating and vomiting in the streets of a Spanish hellhole on the Costa Brava.