A 54-year-old man with over twenty self-published novels to his name was killed yesterday when he fell in front of a steamroller in Commercial Street in Spitalfields.
Jonathon Carter, a tyre-fitter from Thrawl Street, lost his footing and fell heavily into the road and into the path of the oncoming steamroller which was engaged in resurfacing work.
His wife, Cherie, 52, told us: “He loved his writing and was forever telling people that he was on a literary journey.
“Unfortunately, that journey came to an end when he fell under the steamroller.
“On the bright side, I didn’t have to get up from my armchair when they brought his body home. I just asked them to slip him underneath the front door”
It is estimated that by the year 2045, everyone in the UK will be a self-published author with at least two examples of poorly written, abject bilge to their name.