The beleaguered World Health Organisation have sought advice on battling the covid-19 health emergency from an opinionated, know-nothing ponce with a WordPress blog who regularly regales his meagre readership with unsubstantiated tripe about vaccine efficacy, anti-lockdown initiatives and the role of Bill Gates in turning vaccinated people into magnetised automatons with the capability to pick up Bluetooth.
A WHO spokesman told newsmen last night: “We are extremely concerned by the various strains of coronavirus that seem to be mutating into ever-more virulent manifestations.
“With our scientists at a loss and our medical experts at their lowest ebb, we have decided to ask for help from a feeble-minded, conspiracy fucknut from WordPress.
“Hopefully, he’ll be able to put us straight on the futility of deploying a vaccine programme worldwide and steer us onto a more clear-headed path that probably involves Tom Hanks, Covid-19 5G transmitters and mass bleach-drinking rallies across the globe.”
This latest volte-face comes just a week after Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, issued a directive, urging Brits to push homoeopathic capsules containing grass cuttings up each other’s bottoms if they start losing their sense of taste and smell as previously suggested by somebody’s Aunty Beryl on Facebook.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Vaccine sceptics. Take the vaccine, behave in a sensible and responsible manner towards others and shut the fuck up.
The Whitechapel Whelk 
June 12, 2021 at 10:24 am
This is, by the way, true Lionel. Just last weekend I was talking with a young lady family friend who works with the NHS. She heralds from South Africa where her old Aunt lives. Said Aunt refuses the take the vaccine. Instead she is confident that a certain ‘cream’ she’s heard of and subsequently purchased will do the business and prevent the virus from knocking on her door. That the ‘cream’ should be applied to the buttocks, a gem of both insanity and stupidity.
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June 12, 2021 at 12:00 pm
YOU CRAZY YOUNG FOOL, MATE!
Don’t you realise that you’re casting aspersions on the effectiveness of The Amanda Holden Arse Balm of Hope???
It is rumoured – although it has not yet been backed up by theologians- that the AHABofH was rubbed into the swollen buttocks of St Paul after he tumbled from his mount on the path to Damascus.
Recant and retract your wild denouncement of the AHABofH or spend all eternity in anal torment!!!!!
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June 12, 2021 at 12:29 pm
My son had his first vacination yesterday. Since then he has been dripping on and on that he has a ‘twinge’ about his right foot. What pray would Amanda make of that, I wonder.
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June 12, 2021 at 4:16 pm
No, foot twinges are out of Holden’s domain and sphere of influence I’m afraid. What the boy needs is The Eamonm Holmes Pedicure Lamppost of Salvation.
Just 5 hours nightly spent basking in its anti-covid rays will set the man up a treat.
Holmes himself swears by it and has an extra large version installed at his home in the Irish peat bogs to accommodate his engorged, Mick carcass.
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June 12, 2021 at 2:46 pm
My Bluetooth connection is even better now that I have gotten the vaccine!
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June 12, 2021 at 4:19 pm
My partner, a Yorkshire gipsy girl, has been Bluetooth-enabled by the jabs and I can now listen to all my favourite tunes playing from between the cheeks of her bottom. Magical.
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June 12, 2021 at 5:18 pm
Indeed! 😀
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June 14, 2021 at 9:03 am
The end is nigh!
I’m not sure why,
Don’t want to be accusatory,
But I get rather hairy,
I don’t want to appear leery,
But, I’m ready to meet my fairy,
I’ve no desire to be contrary,
The anti-vacciners are so cautionary,
But mostly delusionary!
Just a thought, like…
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