The Whitechapel Whelk

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Strictly Bombshell: Farage to compete in show’s first-ever male-crypto/fascist pairing

farage nazi

In a surprise announcement last night, a spokesperson for the popular ballroom dancing-based TV show, Strictly Come Dancing, announced that controversial Brexit architect, Nigel Farage, will be joining the list of celeb competitors and will be paired with one of the male dancers in what will be the show’s first-ever male/crypto-fascist pairing.

In a statement released last night, the show’s producers revealed: “We are all about diversity and acceptance and are therefore delighted to welcome Nigel to the show and look forward to seeing the extreme right-wing, headbanger showing audiences what he can do, beyond convincing intellectually-challenged people to vote for a measure that will effectively chop the country’s balls off in an act of fiscal and cultural suicide”.

It is understood that the production company also approached reviled, hate-peddler, Katie Hopkins, with an offer to appear on the show but rowed back when she demanded the right to call for the machine-gunning of dinghies containing immigrants in the English Channel during interviews with Claudia Winkleman after each stint under the iconic glitterball.

A delighted Farage spoke briefly to newsmen from outside his home last night: “I’m really looking forward to joining the show this autumn. I’ve always fancied myself as a bit of a racially pure, Anglo-Saxon Fred Astaire” he said.

“However, if my partner tries to lead off at the start of our performance, I certainly won’t hesitate to take back control”, he chuckled.

It is understood that Farage’s contract contains a stipulation that he will not perform any dances with European connotations like The Viennese Waltz, nor any that give credence to a racially tolerant philosophy like, The Black Bottom.

7 thoughts on “Strictly Bombshell: Farage to compete in show’s first-ever male-crypto/fascist pairing

Add yours

  1. Are you sure we should run this one mate? Only we got trolled by a Brexiteer when we subbed it to that magazine the other day 😦


  2. Doesn’t Nige look great in uniform?!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Fascism might have a future after all the rich countries of the world simultaneously go bankrupt after years of fiscal overspending on items they never should have bought in the first place. Deficits have been going on for so long that no one can really remember when they weren’t there.

    — Catxman

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Whitechapel Whelk

      August 8, 2021 at 5:37 am

      with all the love and respect that our editorial team can muster, we don’t have a fucking clue what you’re on about sunshine. Have a wonderful day and keep away from magic mushrooms and the scissors 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. There’s hope yet, mate. Grizelda Hoffenknockers, girlfriend and care for Rudolp Hesses great great grandson, tells me he could be the partner for Nigel? I am having a collection to but a plane for them.

    Liked by 2 people

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