Film and Television

A team of highly skilled surgeons were last night locked in a grim, life-or-death struggle to remove the oily vest of action movie stalwart, Bruce Willis.

Willis, 97, hasn’t taken the vest off since the first Die Hard epic hit our screens in 1958 and it is feared that the oil-stained garment may have given him a potentially fatal case of dermatitis

He has previously told friends that he keeps it on in case he gets the call from a film producer to reprise the famous scene where he clings to the undercarriage of a hijacked airliner, despite the fact that his vest was being heavily spattered with oil from a stricken engine.

A hospital spokesman said last night: “Mr Willis is currently undergoing surgery to remove his oil-stained vest.

“However, due to the fact that the garment has become fused to his body over time this is proving problematical and the team may just to decide to let him die on the operating table and go down the pub”

In 1957, wild west movie legend, John Wayne, almost died during an eighteen-hour long operation as a team of medics fought to surgically remove his ten-gallon cowboy hat.