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McIntyre on TV guides through the ages

A 54-year-old London man has told The Whelk that the utter dismay he felt when he spotted the TV personality Michael McIntyre’s picture on the front cover of his Sun TV guide was on a par with the desolation felt by the Greek Titan, Prometheus, when the errant god discovered that having his liver torn out and eaten by an eagle wasn’t going to be a one-off.

Toby Dell, a gravity die-caster from Brushfield Street told us: “When I pulled my free TV guide out of The Sun on Saturday and saw that picture of McIntyre on the front I was overwhelmed with an all-pervading feeling of complete dismay.

“It was almost certainly down to the knowledge that I’d have to look at his idiotic, smirking dial for the entire week until I get a new guide next Saturday.

“I can only liken my sense of complete desolation to that felt by the doomed Prometheus when he realised that when Zeus condemned him to having his liver devoured by an eagle it was on a daily basis and not just a one-off job.

“I’m going to tell the missus to keep it hidden in the magazine rack and not on the dining table like normal.

“The thought of having to look at that industrial-strength uber-twat’s grinning clock day in day out is more than I can bear, to be honest”

A spokesman for The Sun said last night: “We can understand Mr Dell’s position on this one but there are millions of thickos, not to mention half-barmy old grunters out there, that actually like the fucker”

McIntyre was unavailable for comment last night as he was out somewhere getting on people’s nerves.