prince ed
Edward pictured in happier times after opening a branch of Walmart in Kentish Town

Buckingham Palace last night made the surprise announcement that the Queen’s youngest son, Prince Edward, died unnoticed in 2017 following a short illness.

A spokesman for the Royal Family explained, “His Royal Highness Prince Edward passed away about five years ago but we can’t be sure about the date.

“We think it was probably during the summer but I’m afraid the exact details are a bit sketchy, to be honest.

“One of the maids found him on the floor in his bed-chamber but she thought he’d been drinking so he was left there for a few days.

“Eventually, he was taken to an undertaker in Putney to be cleaned up and so on”

“The Queen and Prince Philip were informed at the time, but they were on a tour of some Commonwealth countries and had probably forgotten about it by the time they got back.

“As far as anyone can remember his remains were buried in a cemetery in Fulham, not far from the football ground, but it was five years or so ago so we can’t be certain on that one”

Prince Edward’s wife, Sophie, told newsmen last night: “This is all news to me. I’d noticed he’d not been around lately but I assumed he was off on tour with one of those bloody theatre companies he hangs around with. Did he leave anything in his will do you know?”

The deceased royal was famously unobtrusive and stayed out of the limelight. This was never better illustrated than when he went absent without leave from his army regiment two days after joining them at Aldershot barracks and nobody realised he’d gone for seven years.