Now, London can be an extremely difficult place to retain law and order, with rowdy public demonstrations just one of the daily situations that we bobbies are confronted with on an almost daily basis.
Take last Friday for example.
With feelings running high following yet more revelations of raucous parties being held in the offices at Downing Street at the height of the pandemic, we found ourselves called out to a rowdy demo in Whitehall where hundreds of angry protestors had gathered to express their rage at the fragrant breaches of lockdown guidelines by the very people charged with implementing them.
We sped to the scene, mob-handed, and while my colleagues joined the protestors in calling for Johnson to do the decent thing and resign, I shot into The Moon On The Mall boozer and sank 15 pints of Stella with half a dozen Jim Beam chasers.
As I staggered out into the street just after midnight and began to make my way back to the nick, having soiled myself and with sick down my tunic, I was filled with a sense of satisfaction as I noticed that all was once again quiet and that, thanks to our efforts, the very best of order had been restored.
Ted Stupor is the honorary vice-president of the Liver Disease and Temporary Amnesia Society