cash

A 23-year-old Whitechapel woman has told The Whelk that she would love to find her birth father, who left her mother following a brief holiday fling, to find out if he’s become a wealthy man, with a view to getting a belated handout.

Tracy Dell, a hairdresser and mother of two, told us: ‘I would love to find out who my real daddy is so that I can try to get some cash out of him if he’s got a few bob.’

We asked Mrs Dell if she would also like to find him to establish a belated, albeit close, father/daughter relationship but she replied: ‘No. it’s all about the money, to be honest’

In other related news, the Minister For Brexit Opportunities, Jacob-Rees-Mogg, recently discovered that his real father was a mixed-race, Romanian circus performer, who, due to his lofty, skeletal frame, supple joints and shock of afro-Caribbean-style hair, became a celebrated big top act using the stage name, The Human Bog Brush.