tuna
Tuna with a handy ring pull pictured last night

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told The Whelk that the sense of grief he felt when he found that the tin of tuna he had taken from the cupboard had no ring pull and would have to be manually opened was on a par with the desolation felt by Shakespeare’s star-crossed lover, Romeo, when he wrongly thought that his beloved Juliet was dead.

Toby Dell, a diesel fitter from Leman Street told us: ‘When I realised that the tin had no labour-saving ring pull my grief almost overwhelmed me.

‘At that moment I realised how Romeo must have felt when he mistakenly thought Juliet had checked out.

‘In fact, my sense of upset was even worse than his because I don’t have a can opener and had try to open it with a cold chisel.

‘In the end, I gave up and had cheese and crackers’

Mr Dell’s experience comes just two weeks after a woman from neighbouring Bow told newsmen that the rage she felt after discovering that her packet of custard creams biscuits had no easy-tear tag on the packet was on a par with King Lear’s after finding out that his daughters were plotting his death.