Jason
Jason pictured battling against the local Whitechapel men before having it away with their women

The actor and part-time archaeologist, Tony Robinson, claims to have discovered ancient scrolls on the Thames foreshore, proving that the fabled Greek hero, Jason, and the crew of his ship, The Argo, landed on the Isle Of Dogs in East London in the olden days, lured there by the womenfolk of Whitechapel who beguiled the mariners with a performance of Knees Up Mother Brown on the jetty.

Robinson, famous for his role as Baldrick in Blackadder, told The Whelk that the Argonauts then ravished the women and impregnated them before sailing off to continue their quest for The Golden Fleece.

‘The scrolls prove beyond doubt that everyone in Whitechapel is a descendant of Jason and The Argonauts’, he said.

‘The ancient script recounts that Jason himself made free with a young, fair-skinned beauty who was the daughter of a Whitechapel innkeeper, and it’s my belief that Peggy Mitchell out of Eastenders is a direct descendant of the couple’

This latest revelation comes almost 10 years from the discovery that the people in the South London district of Bermondsey can trace their bloodline and unpleasant aspect back to 1080 BC when the monstrous, multi-headed dragon, The Hydra, was taken advantage of by the grotesque one-eyed giant, Polyphemus the Cyclops, in a drunken episode behind a Tescos supermarket in Cold Blow Lane.

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