A study published yesterday by Oxford University casts doubt on whether repeatedly saying, ‘tickle ickle ickle’ when tickling a small child actually increases the pleasure experienced by the youngster during the stimulation.

The author of the study, Professor Tobias Dell. BSc. MRCS. reveals: “We tickled a number of children, aged one to five years, and found no marked increase in sensory pleasure when we accompanied the manual process with the words, tickle ickle ickle.

‘Indeed, I remember when I was a small child, I found it rather irksome and wished wholeheartedly to have the power of speech so that I could tell the individual administering the process to fucking leave it out’

This news comes just two weeks after a study conducted by Cambridge University found that parents attempting to potty-train their child by asking it, ‘Does oo want to go poopy plops den?’ had no discernible effect in stopping the infant from shitting in its pants.