clint fruit peeling

We’ve all experienced that dismal bloated feeling following a heavy meal, often accompanied by abdominal discomfort, reflux, or even loud and socially devastating flatulence.

Now you can banish this digestive disorder from your life forever by simply cutting the pointy end off of a banana and swallowing it, point first, prior to tucking into a sumptuous meal of your choice.

You will find that the torpedo shape of the fruit portion will act as a guide for the food that follows it along the alimentary canal on its journey to the arse, culminating in a satisfying splashdown in the toilet bowl.

When following this process, always avoid swallowing the banana segment with the point upwards as this will lead to a blockage and a back-up of excrement that could result in faecal vomiting at an inopportune moment such as during a job interview or when sharing a first kiss with a new partner.

Also, when peeling the banana, always start by pulling the stalk upwards sharply to break the tough bit at the top before peeling downwards.

So that’s upwards and then down.

NEXT WEEK: How a naval orange pushed firmly into the rectum can eliminate the misery of embarrassing itching.

This piece was written in conjunction with guidance from The Sure As Shit Advisory Council