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Brexit Latest: Article 50 set to boost sales of gruel.

 

oliver-twist-gruel
A young gruel enthusiast goes back for seconds in the olden days

 

 

TheWhitechapel Whelk has learned that Britain’s supermarkets are reportedly stockpiling supplies of gruel in anticipation of a spike in demand for the thin, watery, flour-based product in March, following the triggering of Article 50 which will put Britain on the path to severing ties with The European Union.

Many experts predict the aftermath will set the country on the path to economic ruin and cause hardship for millions of families, triggering a switch to less expensive food options.

Gruel, once a popular staple with the impoverished working classes, has almost disappeared from supermarkets, with people preferring the more satisfying and nourishing porridge oats option.

However, with Britain predicted to career rapidly downhill to fiscal ruin, astute supermarket bosses are stockpiling vast quantities of acorn, rye and chestnut gruel in anticipation of huge demand from families unable to afford little else.

One enterprising supermarket will even be introducing their own brand of the product. Lidle will launch, Article 50 Economy Gruel, in March to coincide with the anticipated triggering of the clause in parliament at the end of that month

In other Brexit-related developments, some local councils are planning to convert public facilities such as libraries and swimming pools into corporation workhouses which will be run by local businessmen and overseen by a council-appointed official, or ‘Beadle.’

All three Brexit judges could be adult babies who enjoy nightly romps with ladyboy gibbon hookers suggests Daily Mail

 

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A pre-pubescent gibbon shrieks in alarm after spotting a passing High Court judge

 

There were further shocking revelations about the three High Court judges who made the ruling on the triggering of Article 50 on Wednesday last night after The Daily Mail revealed that there is no evidence to disprove that all three men aren’t debauched adult babies who slake their unnatural cravings by having wild sex romps with ladyboy gibbon prostitutes.

The Mail goes on to speculate that some of the unfortunate primates could even be underage and under the influence of mind-bending hallucinogens, and may have been forced at knifepoint to drink powerful, homemade hooch to make them more compliant to the debauched attentions of the sick and depraved judicial sex monsters.

This latest example of unfounded media conjecture will come as a bombshell to Brexit voters, already sickened by Wednesday’s revelation that one of the judges is a gay man who once represented his country in an Olympic fencing competition.

In its leader today, The Mail dubs the men “The Monkey Defiling Traitorous 3” and claims to have recorded testimony from a pre-pubescent gibbon who allegedly claims that one of the saucy legal giants wore a large nappy and a bonnet as he romped with him and 6 of his school-age brothers and sisters in a Mayfair flat; one of whom may have already been made pregnant by one of the other judges earlier in the evening.

This shocking revelation comes just a week after the paper revealed that Shadow Home Secretary, Diane Abbott, may once have had an unnaturally close relationship with Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn’s West Highland Terrier.

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