Good afternoon everybody
If you can get your face waxed by a beautician, do it from home. If you can’t get it waxed, do it safely on the tube, remembering to stay one metre-plus from any sheltering or vulnerable beauticians.
If you can work, don’t work, similarly, if you can’t work, work from a waxing salon but don’t wear a face covering, unless you’re on the tube and you have underlying wax issues.
Coronavirus will all be over by Christmas, but if it isn’t and more people require emergency waxing or shelter on the tube, I won’t hesitate to impose another lockdown, with no tube travel, no Christmas, and no waxing safely from home, unless you’re a vulnerable, sheltering tube driver with a hairy face.
We’re all in this together, especially when we’re waxing our tubes or sheltering our faces on the buses and tubes.
If you are sheltering, don’t shelter, just go to work on the tube and keep 1-metre-plus from any self-isolating vulnerable wax drivers, especially on the bus at Christmas.
Remember. Save wax. Stay out of the NHS. Protect the virus.
Now, I’ll take a few questions from vulnerable members of the press about safe waxing on Christmas Eve and the government’s plans to build five thousand sheltering salons for locked down beauticians during an NHS tube delay caused by wax on the line at Charing Cross on Boxing Day after we’ve all been in it together along with a few self-isolating NHS tube drivers…