A 97-year-old man from Kentish Town in West London was being held in police custody last night after he blasted his 101-year-old wife in the chest with a shotgun in a fit of rage after discovering that post-Brexit bananas were still curved and not straight as had been promised in pro-Brexit newspapers like The Daily Mail and The Telegraph.
Michael Steeden, a retired boating lake attendant, was held by police at his home in Chalk Farm Avenue after neighbours reported two loud gunshots.
Officers broke into the property and found Steeden sitting on the stairs with the shotgun across his knees and a banana in his hands which he appeared to be trying to straighten with a copper and hide mallet according to an eye witness.
His wife of eighty-two years, Shirley, was found in the kitchen clinging to the sink with gunshot wounds to the chest.
The injured woman was rushed to the Kensington and Chelsea hospital where she was last night described as ‘comfortable but a bit shaken’
A police spokesman told newsmen: “Mr Steeden has been charged with attempted murder contrary to common law.
“He has admitted to the offence, blaming disappointment at discovering that post-Brexit bananas had not yet been straightened.
“Wait till he finds out that we still haven’t got rid of all the blacks”
More as we get it.