from our gardening and hoity toity women correspondent, The Artful Dodger

Following the furore over the controversial and costly, Thames Garden Bridge project, there were further rumblings last night as it was revealed that the actress, Joanna Lumley – the woman behind the widely-criticised bridge project – has unveiled plans to turn the current zip wire across the Thames – a Christmas charity fund-raising project to raise money for a children’s hospital – into a “Garden Zipwire” by attaching plant pots at regular intervals along the wire which will stretch from St Thomas, Hospital to Victoria Gardens alongside The Houses of Parliament.

Speaking to reporters from outside Claridge’s hotel last night, Miss Lumley said, “London is such a grim old place sometimes, particularly during winter, so what better way to brighten the place up than to have a few pretty flowers on this zip wire thingy.”

When it was suggested that part of the immense cost of her proposal would have to be borne by the children’s charity itself, she became testy and snapped: “Well if that’s the case, sweetie, then it’s just too bad. I’m sure the kiddies won’t mind a jot. Let’s be honest, they’re hardly likely to take to the streets over it are they. Not in the shape they’re in.

“After all, it’s a small price to pay for bringing a little horticultural beauty into our lives. In any case, I’m sure the taxpayers won’t object to forking out for some of it. I mean you only have to look at how pleased and happy they all were to be shelling out for my Garden Bridge thingy darling”

#gardenbridge #follyforlondon