A 54-year-old woman from the north of England has expressed her dismay after the commemorative Brexit tea towel she had bought just days earlier fell to bits in the washing machine during its maiden wash.
Amanda Dann, a housewife and mother of two from Leeds, told the Yorkshire Post newspaper: “I was gutted when my Brexit tea towel fell to bits.
“It was a really nice one too with pictures of Nigel Farage and British bulldogs on it.
“It wasn’t cheap either. I paid fifty pounds for it from an online company called, The White Crusaders.co.uk.
“They told me that half the money would be given to a pressure group dedicated to driving all the blacks into the sea.
“I can only assume it was made abroad. Probably Africa or one of those other EU countries.”
When it was pointed out to Mrs Dann that the product was manufactured in Barnsley she became red in the face and began repeatedly yelling, “You lost, get over it” before collapsing to the floor.
ADVISORY NOTE: If you’re not from London and want to attend the Brexit leaving party scheduled to take place in Parliament Square, here are some directions: Head south towards Oxford and keep going until you come to a big town with a river running through it and a happy, thriving, multicultural populace.
FOOTNOTE: Don’t try to find your way by heading towards the bongs of Big Ben. There ain’t gonna be any.